Feelings
by ILongToBeLostInYou
Summary: Clarisse and Joseph deal with their feelings after she says she can't marry him. Complete!
1. Chapter 1

**Feelings by ilongtobelostinyou**

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I only use them to write stories with.

* * *

She rested her head gently on his shoulder as they continued their impromptu dance. She felt whole in this very moment, forgetting the pressures of the wedding around her. 

"Have you been thinking about us?" 

"Yes, I have..." Her heart broke into a million pieces as she saw his do the same.

"Oh, I see. If you'll excuse me..." He couldn't let her see how broken he was, he had to leave, and quickly.

"No, Joseph! You had to know what I was going to say, I – Mia needs me now more than ever before and it's the monarchy," she was babbling, "I mean as Queen it's my responsibility, you know how it is." She took a deep breath, hoping he would understand her decision. 

"You were never just my Queen, Clarisse, you were the someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But, if you prefer that I see you first and foremost as my Queen, I shall oblige."

"No, Joseph!"

"Your majesty." He turned and left, knowing that his chance at pure happiness had been destroyed.

Queen Clarisse Renaldi watched as the love of her life walked away from her. She'd just denied him her hand in marriage, and immediately regretted her decision. 

She wanted nothing more at that moment than to take every last tiara she owned and shatter it, but thought better of it. No, she didn't need to break something to make her feel better, she needed to cry. She stepped over to the CD player and turned the music off, then turned and walked up the steps back to her suite, where she could finally let go of her tears.

* * *

Joseph sat at the keys of his baby grand piano, the most important thing in his suite. He had been playing for hours, trying to drown out his emotions, but the piano was only making his emotions more clear to him. 

He frowned and closed his eyes.

"_Your Majesty, I've come to ask you something. I..." he began nervously, afraid of her answer._

"_Yes, Joseph?" she asked coolly, seeing that he was obviously nervous about her answer._

_  
"Would you mind if I put a piano in my room? I'll pay for it, and for the moving, but I desperately want to be able to play somewhere where I can be alone." _

"_Joseph! Don't be silly..." she began, and she saw his desperate look change to a look of defeat. "Joseph, what I meant was you don't have to buy your own piano. We'll pay for it, of course. And we'll pay for the moving." _

_He sighed, and felt like a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "Thank you, your majesty."_

_He kissed her hand before he'd left the room._

That was twenty years ago, but the memory was still fresh in his mind. She smelled of roses that day, and her skin was so soft.

He finally let his emotions overtake him, and crying, his head fell down onto the keys of the piano, hitting middle C and a few other assorted notes.

_I can't marry you, not right now. I'm so sorry, Joseph._

In one moment, his dreams had been shattered by the one woman he'd loved most. 

He wiped his eyes and rose, deciding to go to the security room to get his mind off his love.

* * *

She had been trying to sleep for hours, but found that her nightmares weren't worth the trouble. She rose from her bed and put on her favorite blue robe, then made her way to her door. She sighed, turned the knob, and stepped into the hallway.

She was making her way to the kitchen when she bumped into him. 

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty."

"Joseph, I think we need to talk." She desperately wanted him to understand she loved him.

"I don't think we do." He began to walk away.

"I want you to know, that I do _want _to marry you, I just can't right now."

"I don't want to hear it, Clarisse."

"But you've got to!" she said angrily.

"No, I don't." He began to walk away again.

"Joseph, I am Queen, I can make you do as I say."

"Do you really feel that way, _Clarisse?"_

"No," she admitted, calming. It was then she noticed that they had an audience of maids sticking their heads out of their doors. "Go back to your room!" she yelled angrily at them. "Not you!"

Joseph turned back around to her. 

She grabbed his arm and pulled him to her. She surprised even herself when she pushed her lips to his, wanting him to see exactly how she felt about him. He didn't respond. She pulled away slowly and looked into his eyes, but he turned and walked away.

"Joseph, I love you," she whispered, so softly he barely heard it as he left.

* * *

A/N: Like it? Should I continue? I know this first chapter is short, but that was the only good place to leave off if I write the second chapter I'm thinking about writing. I do write chapters that are a little bit longer.

R&R if you'd like, please.


	2. Chapter 2

Feelings, Chapter Two

by: ilongtobelostinyou

Clarisse woke the next morning, having to rub her sore neck. Her entire body was sore, she'd spent the whole night tossing and turning, waking up and then crying herself back to sleep. At 5:30 she decided that sleep just wouldn't happen, and rose. She dressed slowly, her mind consumed in deep thought. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy from her night of crying. She sighed.

"Clarisse, you're a mess. How are you going to make it through today?" she asked herself. She bowed her head and suppressed a sob. "I'm not going to cry over this today, I'm not going to cry today." 

She exited her suite going in no particular direction. Today she planned to avoid Joseph like the plague.

* * *

It was late in the afternoon when Clarisse decided to walk around the palace hallways again. She was walking by Joseph's suite when she heard piano music. She was intrigued, she honestly didn't want to see him but once she heard his playing she couldn't stop herself. She knocked on his door, then stepped in. 

His back was to her, his fingers gracefully stroking the keys as he played. She walked up behind him unnoticed. He hit the last chord of the song, sighing. He turned around and she could see the look of shock on his face.

"I thought I made it quite clear that I don't want to see you right now."

"Joseph, do you remember when I bought you the piano?" She sighed, then continued. "You promised me that you'd play me a song one day. Neither of us ever got around to it, did we?"

He frowned, knowing he couldn't deny her this request.

"I'm leaving soon, after Mia's wedding. This may be the last chance I have to play for you. I have to play for you, because I never break a promise."

He turned back to the keys as she sat down beside him. Both were uncomfortable, but neither acknowledged it. 

_What am I going to play for her? _He mentally settled on something, the same song he played the other night, and began playing.

* * *

He lifted his fingers from the keys, indicating he was done. He turned to look at her, noticing the tears streaming down her cheeks. 

"I've messed things up so badly, Joseph." She collapsed onto his chest, tears flowing freely onto him. 

"We both have, Clarisse." He wrapped his arms around her, wanting so badly to kiss her neck but restraining himself. "I should have never asked you to marry me, not now. I chose the right words, but the wrong time. I want to be with you so badly, so soon, but I spoke far too soon."

"Don't leave, Joseph. I want you to stay, I... ask you to stay. Please, Joseph."

"Shhh, I'll stay. I promise I'll stay."

"And I promise I'll marry you Joseph. I just can't say yes now."

"Yes, you can. Clarisse, please, wear my ring. You don't have to let anyone know, it will be just between you and me."

"Then what's the point Joseph?"

"You'll know, and I'll know. It'll be something special between you and I, something that shows both of us that we're not giving up, that we'll be together some day."

Finally, she wrapped his arms around him as well. She pulled him closer to her, basking in his scent.

"Yes, Joseph, yes."

"What?" he asked, unbelieving.

"I'll wear your ring Joseph." It was barely a whisper, almost quieter than the "I love you" she had whispered to him yesterday as he walked away.

He kissed her neck, then pulled back from her embrace. He looked into her eyes, trying to confirm what he thought he heard.

Confirmed.

His lips captured hers, tentatively at first, unsure, then desperate, wanting to show her how much he adored her. Her lips answered to his, only pulling away when they had to breathe.

"I love you," they said at the same time, then laughed at the coincidence.

"Spend the night with me, Clarisse." He smiled when he saw the shocked expression on her face. "I didn't mean it like that, I want to hold you all night. Please, Clarisse?"

She nodded her head slowly, before his hand lifted her chin, and his mouth captured hers in another deep kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her thumbs making circles against his skin.

"Joseph," she began, breaking the kiss apart, "Joseph, I love you. I promise I'll marry you. It just won't be today, or tomorrow, but someday it _will _happen, and we will spend the rest of our lives together."

"Do you keep your promises as well as I do?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes," she said. "Mia's wedding was is tomorrow, were you really planning to leave so soon?"

"Yes, but I don't think I would've been able to. I love you Clarisse, I don't think I could live the rest of my life away from you." 

He rose from his seat on the piano bench and walked into his bedroom. Clarisse followed him, intrigued. She watched as he opened a drawer in the nightstand beside his bed, and he took out a small wooden box. He opened it, and took something small and shiny out of it. He walked back to her, and took her hand in his. He got down on one knee, and she smiled as she realized what he was doing. 

"My Queen, my beautiful, beautiful Queen," he began, "I believe you promised me you would wear my ring. But I want to ask you again, I want to make sure that you weren't toying with my heart, because it would break if you lied to me. I'm in love with you, and I want to marry you some day. Even if it's not today, or tomorrow. So, I ask you again, will you marry me?"

"I would never toy with your heart. Yes, yes, I'll marry you." She looked down at her hands and noticed the rings she still wore, rings that symbolized her marriage to Rupert. She resisted the urge to throw them on the ground, but instead took them off and placed them into her pocket.

He shook as he placed the new ring on her finger, a new symbol of her true love to him. She helped him back up and they smiled, before he placed a loving kiss on her forehead.

"I can't believe you're going to marry me," he whispered, before he kissed her again.

His hand found hers and stroked the new ring lovingly, before he led her into his bed. He wrapped his arms around her and they closed their eyes, falling asleep within minutes.

* * *

A/N: There should be at least another chapter of this, I hope you like it so far. I love reviews, so if you want to leave me one I'd be delighted.


	3. Chapter 3

Feelings, Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing except a new copy of Home: A Memoir of My Early Years by Julie Andrews. It makes me smile, and I hope you smile as much from my story as I do from hers.

He woke her then, and trembling and obedient she ate that burning heart out of his hands. Weeping, I saw them then depart from me. Could he daily feel a stab of hunger for her, and find nourishment in the very sight of her? I think so. But would she see through the bars of his plight, and ache for him?

-Dante Alighieri

* * *

She tapped him lightly on the shoulder, once, twice, three times. Finally he stirred and turned to face her in the darkness. He glanced at his clock, it was only 4:20.

"I wanted to spend time with you before I had to leave. I have to start getting ready at five, for the wedding, you know."

He nodded tiredly, before taking his hand from under the covers and lightly stroking her face. She leaned into his hand, treasuring the feel of his skin against hers.

"I love you," he said calmly. He leaned to kiss her, seizing her lips at first with uncertainty, then, realizing that this was completely real, with passion.

He felt something cool and metal press against his skin underneath the warmth of the covers. He lifted them to reveal Clarisse's rings, they had fallen from her pockets in her sleep. He turned over and opened up a drawer in his nightstand and produced a golden chain.

"I know these are still a part of you, Clarisse. I want you to wear them, at least around your neck." He slipped the rings onto it, then motioned for her to sit up. She turned and he fastened the necklace around her neck, then kissed the skin there. He felt her tremble slightly.

"I love you, Joseph," she said after a moment of comfortable silence.

It was then that he realized his life was complete. She was real, this was real. He watched as she turned back around to face him, and saw the love swimming in the depths of her eyes.

He leaned, ever so slowly, until his lips crashed upon hers. It was soft and slow at first, but soon their needs and wants overtook them both. He ran his thumbs over the soft skin of her cheeks before trailing his trembling hands down her face, down her neck, around her back, and pulled her closer to him.

She was the one who broke the kiss apart.

"If we don't stop now..."

"We won't ever stop, I know, Clarisse." He pulled her to him again for one small, gentle kiss.

"We'll settle everything later, Joseph. Soon we won't have to hide, I promise."

"I know you're telling me the truth, and I know you want this as badly as I do."

She hated leaving him like this, in the early morning hours all alone. They had both wanted more than a few tender, and one passionate, kisses – but things would have to be settled later.

She felt the gold chain hanging from her neck as she walked back up to her suite. He knew her so well, he could understand what she wanted to express without her ever having to utter a word.

It was then she knew; he was her other half, and nothing could come between them anymore.

She opened the door to her suite. The room felt so huge without Joseph's presence. It hadn't ever felt like that before.

"I wish I were the one getting married today," she said into the empty air of her bedroom.

She heard a knocking at her door.

_Joseph._

He stepped in, not bothering to wait for her response.

"I couldn't go back to sleep."

"I'm sorry, Joseph! I shouldn't have woken you."

He could hear the regret in her voice.

"No, don't be sorry. I think..." His voice trailed off.

"You think what, Joseph?"

He stepped closer to her, and pulled her body closer to his again. She saw the smile tugging at his lips, and she couldn't help but return it.

"I think you're driving me insane, Clarisse. One minute I'm miserable, and the next I'm here again, completely in love with you and dreaming of you even when I'm awake. I want to touch your skin, Clarisse, I want to kiss every single inch of your body right here and now. I want to marry you, Clarisse, to be able to call you my wife, to wake up every morning next to you and dream of you while you're next to me at night. I don't think I've ever sounded this cheesy in my entire life, Clarisse. I feel like a romance novel gone wrong."

He let his hands slip underneath her pajama top. She sighed as he let them roam across her sides, around her back, every inch of her skin felt as if it were on fire when he touched it.

"You don't sound like a bad romance novel... you sound like exactly the kind I want to read."

He pulled her as close to him as he possibly could.

"Stop teasing me."

She laughed, and he took the opportunity to kiss her neck. His kiss trail quickly led him to her ear. He bit the soft, delicate skin there. When he heard her gasp in response, he stepped away from her.

"I love you, Joseph." Her reply was barely above a whisper.

"I know. I love you too. And now, we both have a wedding to get ready for. I'll see you later."

He turned to leave.

"Joseph!" She called after him, hoping she didn't sound too desperate. He stopped and looked at her. She was so gorgeous, if only she knew. "Once more, tell me again."

He was instantly on her lips, kissing her slowly, letting passion ooze out of every pore.

"I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you."

She smiled – he was absolutely perfect.

"I love you with all of my heart Joseph. Soon."

It was all she had to say... the promise of tomorrow meant everything to both of them in this one moment.

He turned around, and in seconds he was gone.

She sighed.

_Soon._


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I love these characters as if they were my own, but sadly they are not. Whoever they belong to is one lucky, lucky person.

**Chapter 4**

Clarisse turned the doorknob and guided Joseph hand in hand into the suite they now shared. Sure, he had seen it before but now it had a completely new feeling to it – this was now home, a home he shared with his new wife. He smiled – there were so many memories to be made here, so much love to be shared here, and he looked forward to every minute of it.

She shut the large door behind them and turned around. It took maybe a half second for Joseph to press his body against hers, trapping her between the door and himself. They had been waiting for this moment since the first kiss they shared. They had waited for so long – loving each other had been hard throughout the years, but their love only managed to grow. Now, neither could wait for the moment they would become one. He kissed her, deep and passionately.

"Clarisse..." he whispered. He wanted her now more than ever before, and he knew the feeling was reciprocated.

Her arms wound around his neck and brought his lips crushing to hers.

"Let's not waste time, Joseph... we've wasted enough of it already."

She gasped as he lifted her off the ground and carried her to _their _bedroom. "Joseph!" she protested, "Let me down from here! You're going to kill yourself, and me too!"

"I'm carrying you over the threshold, my Queen."

"You're also breaking every bone in your body! Oh, thank you."

He placed her on their bed and smiled when she sat up, facing him, and patted the bed for him to sit.

"I think we need to talk, Joseph."

"I hope you're not regretting our marriage already, Clarisse. I don't think I could bare losing you."

"Regret our marriage? Oh, no, Joseph. Do not ever believe I regret us. I love you with every fiber of my being. I just wanted to tell you some things. Joseph, my first marriage... well, I know you saw what happened throughout most of it. Rupert and I were friends, but we were never in love. I know, Joseph, that you are the most wonderful, compassionate man in the world even if you don't let everyone see that side of you. I also know that you are in love with me. And now," tears were forming in her eyes, "now, Joseph, we can finally be together and share our love. I have waited so long for you to know how I feel, and now here we are... married."

"Yes, Clarisse. We're married. I can't believe it either." Joseph took his hands and wiped the tears away with his thumbs. He didn't want her to cry – she was so beautiful, it broke his heart to see her upset like that.

"It has been a hell of a day, Joseph," was all she could think of to say.

"Must have been a wonderful day in Hell, I suppose," he responded. He lifted her chin to look into her eyes. She was moments away from crying, from letting her tears flow freely. He smiled – he knew they weren't tears of regret or sadness, but of pure joy. "Let me kiss you, thoroughly... Let me make love to you all night long and then let me hold you into the early hours of the morning. Let me kiss every inch of your beautiful skin, Clarisse. Let me love you like you deserve to be loved – completely, honestly, wholly."

Her tears spilled onto her cheeks as Joseph kissed her. He loved her, he needed her, and he needed her to know he loved her.

He removed her jacket carefully as she tugged at his shirt. He needed her now, and she needed him too. His shirt was now free his pants, and carefully she undid the buttons, one by one. He grabbed at her blouse, pulling it over her head frantically.

_Patience, Joseph, patience. Yes, she's your wife... but we don't want to force her into this. God, I need her though._

His frantic pace at removing her clothes made her increase her own. Shirts were ripped, zippers were broken, and a pile of useless, torn clothing was formed at the edge of the bed.

"Joseph, I love you. Love you... love you... love you..." she repeated into his lips as he kissed her. He was teasing her, she knew, making her want more and he was very willing to comply.

"You're so beautiful, Clarisse, but I already knew that." His lips found her ear, sucking and biting and tugging the lobe gently.

His hands searched for the clasp of her bra. He found it – and removed the offending garment as quickly as possible.

She couldn't get enough of him. She felt his hands travel down her sides, to her breasts, everywhere they could possibly touch, they did. She felt his length press into her, and she wanted nothing more than completion... nothing more than to feel all of him inside her in a declaration of their love.

"Joseph... let's take this slowly. This is love, Joseph... not lust. Make love to me, all night long."

"I love you, Clarisse."

"I love you, Joseph."

Joseph opened the sheets and they both slid in, making love until daylight ascended upon the palace. It was after sunrise when both fell asleep from utter exhaustion, holding each other close.

* * *

Clarisse woke just moments before Joseph the next morning. She couldn't explain it – she felt complete for the first time in her life. She shifted under the sheets, then reached out to touch his face. His hand closed on top of hers. This was it... this was the new beginning they both had hoped for. They could finally be together, together forever. Their lips closed in one last kiss, in one last promise of their undying love before they both started their new lives... together.

* * *

A/N: Well, that was the end. I had fun writing it - and I hope you enjoyed. Until next fan fiction...

-ilongtobelostinyou


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